The shoe department. Possibly somewhere you only see when walking through to find the escalators in department stores. Or search through frantically to find the perfect pair of shoes to match your new dress for a night out. Or the place that's a common stop on your shopping trip to see what else you could add to your collection.
But for me it's become the place I see almost every time I go on a lengthy shopping trip. Which is ironic in itself as it's the one department I can't actually buy from because I can only wear certain types of shoes. But it's the place I always end up because commonly in shops it's the only place that has a chair. Well, chair is a generous word, when it's usually a stool or a glorified pouffe. Not meant for sitting on for more time than it takes to try on a pair of shoes. Where you'll soon find it's quite an uncomfortable seat.
But it's where I end up because I've no other option. I can hear you exclaiming now; "But there must be other chairs! No there definitely are other chairs, there's more chairs than that!" But until it becomes the first thing you look for when you enter a shop in case you need to dash for it before your leg gives out, where you limp to when your ankle gets that deep deep ache that signals that your time for walking round for the day is over, or that you sit down for a tactical rest so you can make it to one more shop on your list, you genuinely don't notice the lack of them. I've done the exact same thing in the past, when I didn't need to notice them either.
But here I am, sitting amongst shoes I can't wear, while whoever I might be with is off looking at things they could buy, and I'm stuck, with those stares that people hurriedly force not to be stares when they catch themselves looking at you, glancing away as quick as they started looking. Or the clear ignoring instead when they settle for staring across my head at somebody else they're with on the other side of me. Or the classic sympathy ridden smile when they catch sight of my walking stick. I can never tell which one is worse to be on the receiving end of.
At the same time as feeling this deep irritation and although I can't help it, shame and embarrassment, at being subject to these stares, I also know people can't help it. They don't know what to do when faced with visible evidence of somebody being disabled,especially someone young like me, and if it wasn't for my walking stick, you wouldn't be able to tell that I was disabled. I used to be on the other side of this and I know that the majority of people can't help it.
But it still shouldn't be necessary. I hate with every fibre of my being how inaccessible the world is. Bus drivers not stopping to pick up people using wheelchairs, or sighing at the inconvenience of having to get the ramp out. Disabled people having no choice but to plan ahead to make sure they will be able to board the transport they need in the first place. The sheer expense of being disabled too, knowing that there are ways you could make your life easier but not being able to afford that sleek portable mobility scooter, or knowing that if you could afford to learn to drive, and then afford the upkeep of a car, that also would need to be adapted as well, you'd have so much more freedom.
The world shouldn't be like that. Everyone should be able to leave the house on a whim, go on a day out without having to plan ahead, not worry about having to leave early or turn back when something becomes too much or turns out to be inaccessible. Everyone should have the same opportunities as somebody who isn't disabled.
But this is the world we live in. Where people overwhelmingly voted Conservative in the recent election. A party who want to cut NHS funding, reduce benefits and generally don't care about poorer or less able, disadvantaged people. It makes me sick to my stomach thinking about the future.
And then you've got the base level stuff if you have an invisible disability, like me. General opinions of people looking at you and taking you at face value, not suspecting you have a condition beneath the surface that they can't see. Feeling the need to prove you have a disability. Being made to feel that you shouldn't sit in the accessible seating on public transport. That you constantly have to explain yourself. Bracing yourself when you leave an accessible toilet from the verbal onslaught of somebody assuming you shouldn't be using it just because you don't "look disabled". The exact same thing when you use an accessible parking place, even if you have a blue badge, there will be people that don't believe you have that right.
And the general politics of being disabled as well. Having limited disabled parking spaces in the first place. Then having time restrictions on them, because people think that if your disabled you don't need somewhere to park after 5 pm. The struggle of finding a job that works for you and your individual needs, if you can even find an employer willing to accommodate them in the first place. Navigating funding or benefits where you're constantly judged on generalised criteria by somebody who doesn't live with what you live with deciding if you're going to receive money that could be taken away at a moments notice, sometimes for the most ridiculous reasons. Or people assessing if you're fit to work or not, when they have no idea what it's like to have your condition, and they don't realise that when they talk to you, they're the ones talking to the expert in living with it, not the other way around when all they have are black and white facts, when everybody who has some kind of disability knows its more often than not grey, it's not cut and dry.
But all I'm left with is sitting in the shoe department, smiling awkwardly back at people who don't know where to look or what to do when they spot a young woman using a walking stick. Amongst a world where I'll never again be able-bodied and without all these worries and challenges, habits, thoughts and feelings. Knowing it could be far better than this, but likely never will.
Lots of Bookish Love,
Rachel xxx
Saturday, 15 February 2020
Thursday, 27 April 2017
How To Avoid Writer's Block
After three jam packed months of finishing off my creative writing dissertation, I really didn't have any time to spare to write any blog posts. However, along the way, I found myself accumulating some tips and tricks for avoiding writer's block, as that was definitely one of the biggest hurdles that I faced while trying to write nearly fifteen thousand words.
So here are my top five ways to avoid or overcome writer's block if you're on a tight schedule and don't have time to wait for inspiration to strike.
1) If you find that what is blocking you is a certain page, scene, chapter or moment, simply move past it. This was a piece of advice that I'd heard all over the place, and I didn't think I could actually put this into practise during the writing process of my dissertation, as I had to write the opening four chapters of a novel. So I thought I barely had any room to skip forwards, especially if I was trying to finish one chapter to send off to my supervisor. But then I found a way. Even if you skip a paragraph, that can still work for you, and will still allow you to keep within the boundaries of having to write one chapter at a time. I was stuck on one particular moment once, and after sitting and trying to drag the words out of me for nearly twenty minutes, I finally took a step back, took a breath, and moved ahead literally one sentence. And it worked! I finished the rest of the chapter pretty quickly after that, and went back at the end and filled in the gaps. If you can read what is ahead, sometimes it comes to you in a flash what is perfect for that one little moment that you previously struggled with.
2) If you're used to writing out of order like I am, you'll find that if you're suddenly being forced to write in order for whatever reason, this can throw you off quite considerably. But what I found to help just a little bit, was for me to skip around within the chapter I was writing. So if I'm stuck at one bit, but I know how the chapter ends, or I have in my head a full scene that is supposed to be the climax or the drama for the chapter, I'll go ahead and write what I know. It's far easier to go back and fill in the gaps than it is to try and write aimlessly. Just make sure to mark the gaps whenever you skip ahead, forgetting about one is something you don't want!
3) If something isn't working, whether it be something as small as a character name, or something bigger, like a major plot twist or a key dramatic scene, you need to train yourself to take the personal bond you have with your writing, and stop being afraid to taking parts out or changing things. If it's not working, it never will, and the more you force it, the worse the writing will come across to the reader. Stop being precious about, and when redrafting or changing things, try as hard as you can to detach the writer side of you, and try to view it through the eyes of an editor or a reader. When you learn to let go, that's when the magic will happen.
4) If you're really stuck, and you don't have time to just have a complete break, go back and redraft the earlier parts of the chapter. While it's good to stick to writing a chapter completely before you start editing and redrafting, sometimes there's just nothing for it. And I found several times through redrafting earlier parts of my writing, it actually gave me new ideas if I changed parts, and it allowed me to move past the part that was blocking me, especially if it no longer needed to be there. Sometimes rules are made to be broken! Moving ahead can help to keep your mind in the space of your story, but it gives you room to continue to build on it, around the part that is blocking you.
5) If none of these work, and what you really need is a break, watch a TV show or movie about writing. Sometimes reading just doesn't cut it, and sometimes you just want completely out of the literature side of things. But that doesn't stop you from being inspired by different kinds of writing, whether it be how the show or movie is written, or what the characters are doing in their fictional world. Are they trying to write something? Are they being successful while you maybe aren't? Sometimes seeing someone else succeed in what you're trying to do can really spur you on to want to do better for yourself, and it might just give you the little push you need to get over this block, and get back to it. So even if you're restricted to a tight schedule, anyone would forgive you if you just needed a break to watch a tv episode. Just don't get caught in the loop of binge watching. That can definitely do more harm than good! Productive breaks are the key here.
I hope this helped you if you needed it! There were definitely a few difficult moments for me, but there's nothing like the feeling of looking at your word count, and knowing you're finished. Getting my dissertation printed and bound, and all ready to hand it in was such a proud moment for me, so I hope you all can succeed in whatever writing goals you have.
Lots of Bookish Love,
Rachel xxx
So here are my top five ways to avoid or overcome writer's block if you're on a tight schedule and don't have time to wait for inspiration to strike.
1) If you find that what is blocking you is a certain page, scene, chapter or moment, simply move past it. This was a piece of advice that I'd heard all over the place, and I didn't think I could actually put this into practise during the writing process of my dissertation, as I had to write the opening four chapters of a novel. So I thought I barely had any room to skip forwards, especially if I was trying to finish one chapter to send off to my supervisor. But then I found a way. Even if you skip a paragraph, that can still work for you, and will still allow you to keep within the boundaries of having to write one chapter at a time. I was stuck on one particular moment once, and after sitting and trying to drag the words out of me for nearly twenty minutes, I finally took a step back, took a breath, and moved ahead literally one sentence. And it worked! I finished the rest of the chapter pretty quickly after that, and went back at the end and filled in the gaps. If you can read what is ahead, sometimes it comes to you in a flash what is perfect for that one little moment that you previously struggled with.
2) If you're used to writing out of order like I am, you'll find that if you're suddenly being forced to write in order for whatever reason, this can throw you off quite considerably. But what I found to help just a little bit, was for me to skip around within the chapter I was writing. So if I'm stuck at one bit, but I know how the chapter ends, or I have in my head a full scene that is supposed to be the climax or the drama for the chapter, I'll go ahead and write what I know. It's far easier to go back and fill in the gaps than it is to try and write aimlessly. Just make sure to mark the gaps whenever you skip ahead, forgetting about one is something you don't want!
3) If something isn't working, whether it be something as small as a character name, or something bigger, like a major plot twist or a key dramatic scene, you need to train yourself to take the personal bond you have with your writing, and stop being afraid to taking parts out or changing things. If it's not working, it never will, and the more you force it, the worse the writing will come across to the reader. Stop being precious about, and when redrafting or changing things, try as hard as you can to detach the writer side of you, and try to view it through the eyes of an editor or a reader. When you learn to let go, that's when the magic will happen.
4) If you're really stuck, and you don't have time to just have a complete break, go back and redraft the earlier parts of the chapter. While it's good to stick to writing a chapter completely before you start editing and redrafting, sometimes there's just nothing for it. And I found several times through redrafting earlier parts of my writing, it actually gave me new ideas if I changed parts, and it allowed me to move past the part that was blocking me, especially if it no longer needed to be there. Sometimes rules are made to be broken! Moving ahead can help to keep your mind in the space of your story, but it gives you room to continue to build on it, around the part that is blocking you.
5) If none of these work, and what you really need is a break, watch a TV show or movie about writing. Sometimes reading just doesn't cut it, and sometimes you just want completely out of the literature side of things. But that doesn't stop you from being inspired by different kinds of writing, whether it be how the show or movie is written, or what the characters are doing in their fictional world. Are they trying to write something? Are they being successful while you maybe aren't? Sometimes seeing someone else succeed in what you're trying to do can really spur you on to want to do better for yourself, and it might just give you the little push you need to get over this block, and get back to it. So even if you're restricted to a tight schedule, anyone would forgive you if you just needed a break to watch a tv episode. Just don't get caught in the loop of binge watching. That can definitely do more harm than good! Productive breaks are the key here.
I hope this helped you if you needed it! There were definitely a few difficult moments for me, but there's nothing like the feeling of looking at your word count, and knowing you're finished. Getting my dissertation printed and bound, and all ready to hand it in was such a proud moment for me, so I hope you all can succeed in whatever writing goals you have.
Lots of Bookish Love,
Rachel xxx
Wednesday, 25 January 2017
Top 5 Wednesdays - Underrated Books
Underrated books. A subjective issue, you can never quite figure out yourself, but I’ll try my best to! Now a couple on here have definitely had popular spikes here and there, but I haven't heard much chatter about them recently, so I thought it couldn’t hurt to mention them here, since I’d love more people to read them! I hope you enjoy!
1) The first one on this list has got to be my go-to answer if anybody asks me what my favourite book is, and that’s The Night Circus by Erin Morgenstern. No matter how many times I read it, I can’t help but love it. There isn’t a single thing about it that I don’t like it, and it’s also the book I recommend to people too, so if you’ve never read it, you’ve got to try it out. It’s the perfect mix of magic, adventure, mystery, suspense, and with the right amount of romance too, I love it! I will say the movement between dates can be a little confusing at first, but after a while you will get the hang of it, so please stick with it and give it a chance!
2) The next one is The Bone Season by Samantha Shannon, along with the sequel, The Mime Order. Not only do I love the plot, the world building, and the characters, but I also think it’s one of my all-time favourites because I read it at exactly the right time. It was just after the flood of dystopian books that started with The Hunger Games. I was basically sick of picking up a book to realise it was essentially the same plot-line I’d read a thousand times over. So when I picked up The Bone Season, it was like a breath of fresh air. It’s such a unique idea, and I just love that the series seems to be going in the right direction, the third book comes out at the beginning of March, so you can bet I’ll be taking a break from writing my dissertation if I can manage it, just to read The Song Rising. I can’t wait!
3) My Life Next Door by Huntley Fitzpatrick is a contemporary novel, and a fairly stereotypical contemporary young adult novel at that. It’s fun, light-hearted, with a good story, the characters being the best thing about it. It surrounds a family, and I can’t think of another book aside from the Harry Potter series of course, that portrays a family so realistically. Fitzpatrick really makes you wish you were part of the family you read about, and you really route for them throughout. If you’re looking for a lovely summery read, this one is the one for you.
5) I have saved the best till last with Geek Love by Katherine Dunn, I really can’t believe this book isn’t more popular, it’s insanely good. I read this, alongside Asylum, for my Modern Gothic module, and it has quickly become one of my favourite books of all time. I couldn’t put it down, there were parts I literally felt out of breath while reading them, and it’s one that really sticks with you once you finish reading it. When you think nothing more can get any stranger, believe me it will! It’s honestly a climax that doesn’t peak until the very end, it’s an incredible book. Like The Night Circus, it’s about a circus, but trust me, in a very different way. It’s very adult, there’s no way young teens could read this, and even for adults, it’s a fairly harsh read, but so worth it. I can’t believe this is the author’s first book, it’s insane how good it is! It will always be one I’ll recommend to people, please go and read it, trust me, you won’t regret it!
Thank you so much for reading, if you’d like to keep track of when I post on here, you can follow me by email by entering it in the sidebar, or follow me on Twitter, I always post a link there too!
Also, if you're interested in joining in with Top 5 Wednesday's, click here to join the Goodreads group that posts the weekly topics.
Lots of Bookish Love,
Rachel xxx
1) The first one on this list has got to be my go-to answer if anybody asks me what my favourite book is, and that’s The Night Circus by Erin Morgenstern. No matter how many times I read it, I can’t help but love it. There isn’t a single thing about it that I don’t like it, and it’s also the book I recommend to people too, so if you’ve never read it, you’ve got to try it out. It’s the perfect mix of magic, adventure, mystery, suspense, and with the right amount of romance too, I love it! I will say the movement between dates can be a little confusing at first, but after a while you will get the hang of it, so please stick with it and give it a chance!
2) The next one is The Bone Season by Samantha Shannon, along with the sequel, The Mime Order. Not only do I love the plot, the world building, and the characters, but I also think it’s one of my all-time favourites because I read it at exactly the right time. It was just after the flood of dystopian books that started with The Hunger Games. I was basically sick of picking up a book to realise it was essentially the same plot-line I’d read a thousand times over. So when I picked up The Bone Season, it was like a breath of fresh air. It’s such a unique idea, and I just love that the series seems to be going in the right direction, the third book comes out at the beginning of March, so you can bet I’ll be taking a break from writing my dissertation if I can manage it, just to read The Song Rising. I can’t wait!
3) My Life Next Door by Huntley Fitzpatrick is a contemporary novel, and a fairly stereotypical contemporary young adult novel at that. It’s fun, light-hearted, with a good story, the characters being the best thing about it. It surrounds a family, and I can’t think of another book aside from the Harry Potter series of course, that portrays a family so realistically. Fitzpatrick really makes you wish you were part of the family you read about, and you really route for them throughout. If you’re looking for a lovely summery read, this one is the one for you.
4) The last two on this list are two books I read for a university class. The first one, Asylum by Patrick McGrath, might come across as quite a dry read, before the story really gets going, but once you’re fully invested believe me, you start to see the intricacies behind the plot and the characters, and why the author chose to narrate the novel the way he did. It’s clever, and trust me, you just want to keep reading it when you really get into it. It’s littered with things you don’t see coming, even though you’re constantly expecting things to happen, it’s just one thing after another, and it doesn’t stop until you shut the book. It’s definitely an adult book though, so if you’re younger, or are more into YA, this might not be the right book for you, but if you do want to branch out, this might be a good one to start with.
5) I have saved the best till last with Geek Love by Katherine Dunn, I really can’t believe this book isn’t more popular, it’s insanely good. I read this, alongside Asylum, for my Modern Gothic module, and it has quickly become one of my favourite books of all time. I couldn’t put it down, there were parts I literally felt out of breath while reading them, and it’s one that really sticks with you once you finish reading it. When you think nothing more can get any stranger, believe me it will! It’s honestly a climax that doesn’t peak until the very end, it’s an incredible book. Like The Night Circus, it’s about a circus, but trust me, in a very different way. It’s very adult, there’s no way young teens could read this, and even for adults, it’s a fairly harsh read, but so worth it. I can’t believe this is the author’s first book, it’s insane how good it is! It will always be one I’ll recommend to people, please go and read it, trust me, you won’t regret it!
Thank you so much for reading, if you’d like to keep track of when I post on here, you can follow me by email by entering it in the sidebar, or follow me on Twitter, I always post a link there too!
Also, if you're interested in joining in with Top 5 Wednesday's, click here to join the Goodreads group that posts the weekly topics.
Lots of Bookish Love,
Rachel xxx
Tuesday, 17 January 2017
Glencoe and Fort William
Welcome to Bookish Love!
There will be more blog posts to come about everything book related, but for now, I had to write about my recent trip up north!
About a week before we left, my best friend, Emma, messaged me on Facebook and asked if I was free the following Monday through to Friday, because she had a surprise for me. After a bit of rearranging, making me completely free, Emma told me she'd booked a little cottage up near Glencoe and Fort William, for us and our friend Collette, as a trip away for my 22nd birthday!
So on the 9th of January, we set off on a very rainy and windy drive up the A82, and despite the bad weather, the views were still incredible.
We passed Glencoe and went and did our food shopping in Fort William, before returning to the Corran Ferry crossing, over to where our cottage was in a small (very small) village called Clovullin. In the pitch black with raging winds and rain, it made for a very stormy crossing, but three minutes passed, and it left us getting a bit lost in the countryside for a bit.
When we got to the cottage, we found the cosiest, warmest place to stay, not to mention a stunning view of the mountains just from standing on the front door step!
On the 11th, we got a bit worried we might be completely snowed in, but we went for a walk along the beach anyway, which was so lovely!
The cottage was so close to the beach you could still see the roof of it over the bushes...
While this river behind the beach was really cool, I've never seen that before, it did in fact stop our walk rather abruptly, because the river water came from the loch, which cut the beach in half with knee deep water that we definitely weren't willing to wade through! But then nature chose to interfere further, and a minor blizzard sent us running back to the warmth of the cottage for a cup of tea and some biscuits!
But we didn't have anything to worry about, despite our hasty contingency plans, because when we woke up on the 13th, the majority of the snow was gone, and the roads were considerably better than when we drove up.
We made it back home in one piece, after having a wonderful trip away, I had the best time!
A million thank you's to Collette and Emma, for such a lovely birthday surprise, I enjoyed every minute of it! 💖
Lots of Bookish Love,
Rachel xxx
There will be more blog posts to come about everything book related, but for now, I had to write about my recent trip up north!
About a week before we left, my best friend, Emma, messaged me on Facebook and asked if I was free the following Monday through to Friday, because she had a surprise for me. After a bit of rearranging, making me completely free, Emma told me she'd booked a little cottage up near Glencoe and Fort William, for us and our friend Collette, as a trip away for my 22nd birthday!
So on the 9th of January, we set off on a very rainy and windy drive up the A82, and despite the bad weather, the views were still incredible.
We passed Glencoe and went and did our food shopping in Fort William, before returning to the Corran Ferry crossing, over to where our cottage was in a small (very small) village called Clovullin. In the pitch black with raging winds and rain, it made for a very stormy crossing, but three minutes passed, and it left us getting a bit lost in the countryside for a bit.
When we got to the cottage, we found the cosiest, warmest place to stay, not to mention a stunning view of the mountains just from standing on the front door step!
On the 11th, we got a bit worried we might be completely snowed in, but we went for a walk along the beach anyway, which was so lovely!
The cottage was so close to the beach you could still see the roof of it over the bushes...
And I have to say it was very strange to be on a beach with snow on the sand, that was a first for me!
While this river behind the beach was really cool, I've never seen that before, it did in fact stop our walk rather abruptly, because the river water came from the loch, which cut the beach in half with knee deep water that we definitely weren't willing to wade through! But then nature chose to interfere further, and a minor blizzard sent us running back to the warmth of the cottage for a cup of tea and some biscuits!
But we didn't have anything to worry about, despite our hasty contingency plans, because when we woke up on the 13th, the majority of the snow was gone, and the roads were considerably better than when we drove up.
We made it back home in one piece, after having a wonderful trip away, I had the best time!
A million thank you's to Collette and Emma, for such a lovely birthday surprise, I enjoyed every minute of it! 💖
Lots of Bookish Love,
Rachel xxx
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